Jane's Jottings

In our lifetimes we will come across many people, of all beliefs, colors, and classes.  We will like some, and have distaste for others based on the behaviors they display, and their personalities. 

There is a general understanding that, regardless of how we feel about a stranger, it is wise to show him or her respect.  Sometimes, showing respect is as simple as not saying aloud the judgemental thoughts you are experiencing about them!  Respect is a way to love others.  There are, of course, multiple levels of respect, from minimalistically giving someone space, and staying peacefully quiet in their presence to outright revering someone for their wisdom, their fairness, and – in some cases – their heroism.  

In the same way that not everyone we meet on this earth is our “cup of tea”, so we are not automatically liked by everyone whom we encounter.  Nor do we need to be.  

Typically, we bond with individuals who share a similar outlook to ours, or with whom we share a common interest.  Sometimes, we forge friendships with those who have been thrown into the deep end of a situation along with us – maybe, basic training in the military, healthcare vocations, or traumatic scenarios in which we are compelled to join as a team to solve some predicament that affects us all.  

During the course of our lives, there will be people with whom we develop a strong bond that lasts the course – that is, we stay friends until the day one or other of us passes on to the next world.  There will inevitably be people who breeze in and out of our lives tangentially, and these encounters will seem inconsequential … but that is not necessarily so.  The saying, “for a reason, a season, a lifetime” references that there is purpose behind each individual interaction in life.  

Some contact occurs for us to showcase kindness during someone else’s sadness.   Challenging, and unexpected, confrontations usually always teach us a lesson – sometimes, the teaching is for us and the other person or people involved.  Often, we realize in hindsight that we could have reacted differently in a given situation.  Such awareness helps us to acquire wisdom and to grow as spirits.  Being human, after all, can be incredibly difficult!  

It doesn’t matter how old we become, there are days on which we look back with some shame and regret because of how we responded to a given person or situation.  Yet, there are other times that we can be proud of how we handled a given set of circumstances.  Also, when we show grace to other human beings who are having a bad day, and not behaving their best, we store up good will in our own ‘bank account’ for others to show us grace in those same types of situations. 

Be aware that there are people in life who refuse to see we are each in charge of our own happiness.  Such people inevitably face many bewildering experiences before they finally understand that they have been shooting themselves in the foot.  In the meantime, multiple other individuals who crossed paths with such as these self-saboteurs will pay the price of trying to befriend the head-burying deniers.  

Balance is everything, in all spheres.  I have realized that it is actually possible to invest too much in a friendship – yes, that sounds ridiculous!  Yet, when someone wants perfection from you – as in, they do not grasp that you are as human as the rest, and expect you to behave altruistically ALL THE TIME – that is a sign of an individual who is mentally messed up.  

Usually, the person who denies that you are human engages in projection.  So, not only do they dis you for being a human, but they also hypocritically project their own bad behavior onto you.  After you try open, honest discussion, and that doesn’t work, you understand you have to distance yourself for your own sanity.   If you receive any feedback at all, in the aftermath, it serves only to validate your walking away.  Accept that someone who works against him- or herself is disingenuous.  That is NOT your problem!  Take the lesson and move on.